Rejection

Today is such a bad day.

When i woke up i on my tv and i found out that my cable tv box is spoilt. I couldn't on it and i felt so shitty because i know i gonna stay at home for the whole of the day! Imagine no tv shows to watch for the whole day i will be damn bored! I called Starhub immediately but the guy told me they can only send a technician down on tues, i can't wait till tues! 3 days 2 nights without my cable tv! So i thought maybe i shall just go down to get the box changed.

So i thought maybe i shall get someone to go down with me because i really do not wish to go down alone. Smsed DTP but she's with her bf, called ah dar but she's at david's house which is very far, thought of DWS but think he should be with J and i really don't know who should i approach already. So pathetic. Everybody's busy with their girl/boy!

Thought of asking him.. because he's off today too and he's at home msning with me.. But in the end i did not ask him because the previous 2 times i asked him out but i got rejected. The last time was last Wed. I was with DWS last wed at Kim Seng, we went for a game of snooker. So after my game it was around 7pm and knowing that he's knocking off at 7pm i thought maybe can get him to go Kinokuniya with me because i wanna get some books. He told me he's lazy and tired. Well, i was pretty disappointed that day because i didn't expect him to reject me. Thought it's like on the way and he would agree to go with me.

And another time was last Monday, knowing that he don't need to work on that Monday, i asked him whether he wanna go catch Ninja Turtles because i know he wanna watch it. He told me that he's going with a friend so i was like oh.. okay nvm. Then he told me he's going with his ex gf, i felt rather.. erm.. sad? disappointed? awkward? jealous? unhappy? But i did not say anything of course, who am i to say it anyway.

Though i only got rejected like 2 times, but it's like 200 times to me. I really hate to take the initiative, i'm really afraid of rejection. I cannot take rejections easily. So after last Wed, i told myself. Alright, i'm not going to ask him out anymore. Though of course it's not like he always reject me, but i just don't want it to happen another time, i rather not ask.

He did offer to go with me just now, in fact quite a few times actually. But i told him it's okay. I think the way i said it was quite nasty...

I said, "It's okay, i can go myself. It's my own business and you're not obliged to go with me. I know you're lazy to go out and you're tired so i'll go down myself."

Well, i don't know why i rejected his offer so many times too. Though i really hope that he can go down with me. Maybe because he rejected me for the past few times?

Maybe he doesn't know that i really take it to heart when he rejected me.

DTP was saying she had this kind of situation before too, so she stop asking her guy out but if the guy asked her out she'll cancel all other outings just for him. Maybe both of us have really different personality. I can resist it because i want some face back.

Finally at around 6pm i couldn't take it no more, i actually went out alone. I went to J8 to do some shopping therapy. It's really pathetic, because everybody i see at J8 has got someone with them. Well, it's a Sunday so i seriously think it's quite pathetic to go out alone.

I think it's really enough already, i don't want to stay in this kind of awkward relationship. I can't take it no more.

I'm so unhappy. I think i need some help....