Love - Mixed signals received.

On this bored and lonely Valentine's day eve, i started to ponder about our relationship. Nope, we're not going to meet on this romantic Vday which is tomorrow. And nope, i don't think he even prepared a gift for me. Well, i did not prepare anything for him either. Simply because i don't want to lose my pride and tell him, "Hey, i've got something for you this Vday" and him replying, "I'm sorry, i did not prepare anything for you."

I strongly believe that if a guy's interested in you, he'll at least make an effort to prepare a small little gift for the one he likes no? No gifts from him makes me think that he doesn't even like me and treats me like a normal friend. But the attention and concerns he gives me makes me think that he likes me.. Or at least interested in me. Will a guy be that free to call/sms you everyday if he's not interested in you? In my opinion, no... A guy would not do that if he's not interested in you. But he doesn't ask me out often and if a guy's interested in you, i believe he would want to see you every now and then because he misses you? no?

I'm not someone who will take the initiative to request a meetup with him let alone ask him whether he likes me anot. On a few occasions, i really want to know the answer so much that i feel like prompting the question, "Do you like me? I'm confused" But i lack of the courage to do so, because i have my pride and i'm afraid that the answer would turn out negative and worse, he'll start to avoid me because he thinks that i'm crazy or something.

Why do guys like to send out this kind of mixed signals to girls? They can't be more straightforward? I'm getting confused with all the signals. The way he handle our "relationship" often let me ponder whether he's trying to let me know that we're more than friends or purely friends. This has been going on for months and i'm going to lose my patience soon. I want a confirmation from him. Be it, "yes, i likes you. But i think we should get to know each other more before we proceed on." or "Shirley, i treat you like my dear sis my dear friend."

To think i have to turn to this resort to express my anger, my disappointment. I have no one to turn to regarding this because i'm afraid my friends would probably fall asleep if they hear my grumbles. Moreover, i don't want to let them feel i'm a loser because i'm always among the strongest when i'm in front of them. Everyone around me thinks that i'm a strong girl who will not be unhappy/sad and get over almost everything easily.

When i'm alone and i start to ponder about the unhappy things, i wanted to shed so much but something's stopping me from releasing my unhappiness this way. Somehow, i'm lost the ability to do that. I've forgotten how to release my anger and unhappiness into tears like what i used to do.

I hate Love and yet i love Love. Contradicting myself again.